I'LL TALK IF YOU'LL LISTEN
When a child says to me, "Mr. "R", you know more about me than my parents." That is a sign of no communication in the home. We help our children succeed when we learn to listen to them without criticism, trying to fix a problem, or giving advice. Sometimes they just need "ears" they can trust...
“When two speakers begin to listen with the same enthusiasm with which they speak and to convey to one another that they heard both what was said and how it was said, a powerful bond begins to develop. This bond is friendship and love”. ~James Deary, III, Ed.D. Institute for Urban Family Health, New York City
“Speaking and LISTENING are two skills that are required in order for any two people to communicate with one another. When you speak, your words convey a message with both cognitive and affective components. In other words, what you say has both meaning and emotion attached to it.
When young people are allowed to express their feelings, particularly their negative feelings, it offers them a safety valve, which like the safety valve on a boiler, prevents it from exploding. Give youth the liberty to release their emotions in a positive way.
When a child says to me, "Mr. "R", you know more about me than my parents." That is a sign of no communication in the home. We help our children succeed when we learn to listen to them without criticism, trying to fix a problem, or giving advice. Sometimes they just need "ears" they can trust...
“When two speakers begin to listen with the same enthusiasm with which they speak and to convey to one another that they heard both what was said and how it was said, a powerful bond begins to develop. This bond is friendship and love”. ~James Deary, III, Ed.D. Institute for Urban Family Health, New York City
“Speaking and LISTENING are two skills that are required in order for any two people to communicate with one another. When you speak, your words convey a message with both cognitive and affective components. In other words, what you say has both meaning and emotion attached to it.
When young people are allowed to express their feelings, particularly their negative feelings, it offers them a safety valve, which like the safety valve on a boiler, prevents it from exploding. Give youth the liberty to release their emotions in a positive way.
You are doing three things whenever your youth expresses his/her feelings:
1. Resisting the temptation to offer advice, or give opinions about what the youth is saying.
2. LISTENING carefully to what your youth is saying. Formulate in your mind what your youth is expressing.
3. Repeating back to him/her in your own words, the feelings they have just expressed to you is REFLECTIVE LISTENING.
REFLECTIVE LISTENING is a dynamic method to keep the parent/child lines of communication open. This allows the youth to know that you understand, value, and respect their feelings. This simplistic communication style promotes a feeling of mutual respect between parent and youth.
Young people very desperately want us to understand how they feel. Unfortunately, many do not get this understanding from their parents. Not that the parents are cruel or unfeeling, but because nobody taught them how to convey this kind of understanding. Many parents have not learned the importance of LISTENING to their children and empathizing with them.
1. Resisting the temptation to offer advice, or give opinions about what the youth is saying.
2. LISTENING carefully to what your youth is saying. Formulate in your mind what your youth is expressing.
3. Repeating back to him/her in your own words, the feelings they have just expressed to you is REFLECTIVE LISTENING.
REFLECTIVE LISTENING is a dynamic method to keep the parent/child lines of communication open. This allows the youth to know that you understand, value, and respect their feelings. This simplistic communication style promotes a feeling of mutual respect between parent and youth.
Young people very desperately want us to understand how they feel. Unfortunately, many do not get this understanding from their parents. Not that the parents are cruel or unfeeling, but because nobody taught them how to convey this kind of understanding. Many parents have not learned the importance of LISTENING to their children and empathizing with them.
Good Talking is…
DIRECT…Say what you mean and don’t talk around a subject.
CLEAR…Describe things well and don’t confuse the listener.
SPECIFIC…Don’t generalize; give details to help listener know what you are saying.
HONEST…Don’t say what you don’t think or feel, or doesn't match “facts.”
TACTFUL…Be kind, considering listeners feelings. Don’t intentionally hurt listener with your words.
Good Listening is…
ACTIVE…Hearing, understanding, and helping the speaker fully express their concerns.
ATTENTIVE…Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, not how you are going to respond.
OPEN…Give the speaker the freedom to speak and don’t refuse to hear. Agree to listen.
RESPECTFUL…Do not interrupt the speaker and make them feel unworthy.
CAREFUL…Ask the speaker and do not assume you heard. If it is not clear, ASK!
*For informational purposes only and not intended to be used for therapeutic functions. Information assembled from 10 Secrets of Healthy Relationships, by J. Herman; Pairs for Life, S. G. Eisenberg, Director
DIRECT…Say what you mean and don’t talk around a subject.
CLEAR…Describe things well and don’t confuse the listener.
SPECIFIC…Don’t generalize; give details to help listener know what you are saying.
HONEST…Don’t say what you don’t think or feel, or doesn't match “facts.”
TACTFUL…Be kind, considering listeners feelings. Don’t intentionally hurt listener with your words.
Good Listening is…
ACTIVE…Hearing, understanding, and helping the speaker fully express their concerns.
ATTENTIVE…Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, not how you are going to respond.
OPEN…Give the speaker the freedom to speak and don’t refuse to hear. Agree to listen.
RESPECTFUL…Do not interrupt the speaker and make them feel unworthy.
CAREFUL…Ask the speaker and do not assume you heard. If it is not clear, ASK!
*For informational purposes only and not intended to be used for therapeutic functions. Information assembled from 10 Secrets of Healthy Relationships, by J. Herman; Pairs for Life, S. G. Eisenberg, Director