10 THINGS A SON NEEDS FROM HIS MOTHER
1) To Be Showered with Affection
Hugs work even when he gets older. Boys are who they are, and moms need to love them without trying to rewire them.” He needs to know the importance of human contact so he doesn't keep it from his wife or children. To learn the kinds of things that women need –Let him take you out to dinner. Let him know the things that girls like. Let him open doors and hold your hand to show him what a woman expects
2) To Have Fun
Dance in the car, in the living room, in the front yard. He will learn that life has a soundtrack and he needs to learn how to have fun. There is no moment too small to celebrate, and the big ones always call for dancing. Whether it is on the ball field or in the classroom, become his biggest fan and dance about it. The world is full of people just waiting to show him he’s no good. Let him know, that in your eyes, they will always be wrong and be quick to celebrate him and his accomplishments.
3) For You to Marry the Kind of Man You Want Him to Become
His views of marriage are shaped by what he sees from you. He will model himself after the men in his life. The kind of husband he is, the kind of father he is, the kind of man he is. You can’t model that to him, so find someone who will. Oftentimes he will treat his wife the way he observes you being treated. Show him that the correct way to speak to women is with respect and dignity. It is important for him to see you respect his father, to show him every day what respect looks like. He needs a woman who will respect him. Show him what to look for.
1) To Be Showered with Affection
Hugs work even when he gets older. Boys are who they are, and moms need to love them without trying to rewire them.” He needs to know the importance of human contact so he doesn't keep it from his wife or children. To learn the kinds of things that women need –Let him take you out to dinner. Let him know the things that girls like. Let him open doors and hold your hand to show him what a woman expects
2) To Have Fun
Dance in the car, in the living room, in the front yard. He will learn that life has a soundtrack and he needs to learn how to have fun. There is no moment too small to celebrate, and the big ones always call for dancing. Whether it is on the ball field or in the classroom, become his biggest fan and dance about it. The world is full of people just waiting to show him he’s no good. Let him know, that in your eyes, they will always be wrong and be quick to celebrate him and his accomplishments.
3) For You to Marry the Kind of Man You Want Him to Become
His views of marriage are shaped by what he sees from you. He will model himself after the men in his life. The kind of husband he is, the kind of father he is, the kind of man he is. You can’t model that to him, so find someone who will. Oftentimes he will treat his wife the way he observes you being treated. Show him that the correct way to speak to women is with respect and dignity. It is important for him to see you respect his father, to show him every day what respect looks like. He needs a woman who will respect him. Show him what to look for.
.4) To Appreciate Beauty, Real Beauty
Don’t put yourself down in front of him. He will learn to see you like you see you. He will, at some point, think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Let him! Don’t tell him he’s wrong. Let him watch you do your nails, your hair, and your make-up. It won’t make him less “manly”, but it will help him understand that women need to feel beautiful.
5) Discipline/ Responsibility
He needs to respect that you are a figure of authority. He needs to understand what co-parenting looks like; he’ll do it himself someday. Make him put his own laundry away, take out the trash, and help you do the dishes. Make him earn his way when possible. If you don’t, all housework will forever be known as “woman’s work” and nobody wants a man like that. You want him to be the man who will help his wife take care of their home, take care of the things he has acquired, and know how to work for what he wants.
6) To Learn Life’s Lessons
This is one of the hardest parts. Mothers want to shield their children from the big, bad world. You want to take their place every time they might get hurt. Sometimes they need shielding and protecting. Sometimes they need mom to swoop in and save the day. And sometimes they don’t. They will be more effective adults if they are given the opportunity to learn that actions have consequences. They will be more effective adults if they learn how to handle frustrations.
Don’t put yourself down in front of him. He will learn to see you like you see you. He will, at some point, think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Let him! Don’t tell him he’s wrong. Let him watch you do your nails, your hair, and your make-up. It won’t make him less “manly”, but it will help him understand that women need to feel beautiful.
5) Discipline/ Responsibility
He needs to respect that you are a figure of authority. He needs to understand what co-parenting looks like; he’ll do it himself someday. Make him put his own laundry away, take out the trash, and help you do the dishes. Make him earn his way when possible. If you don’t, all housework will forever be known as “woman’s work” and nobody wants a man like that. You want him to be the man who will help his wife take care of their home, take care of the things he has acquired, and know how to work for what he wants.
6) To Learn Life’s Lessons
This is one of the hardest parts. Mothers want to shield their children from the big, bad world. You want to take their place every time they might get hurt. Sometimes they need shielding and protecting. Sometimes they need mom to swoop in and save the day. And sometimes they don’t. They will be more effective adults if they are given the opportunity to learn that actions have consequences. They will be more effective adults if they learn how to handle frustrations.
7) Love, Unconditionally
Make sure he knows “mother loves him”, when he’s being sweet and obedient and when he’s not. Every time he is in trouble, after he has served out whatever discipline he has earned and/or we have had the necessary discussions, let him know that he is loved by telling him. Never let him doubt your love for him and help him understand that there is nothing he could do to make your love for him diminish because it is unconditional.
8) To Talk to His Mom about Sex and Emotions
He needs a woman’s perspective about sex and his emotions. He needs to know the emotional sides to sex and the ways he can damage, or love, a woman with them. Society gives a clear message to boys that they should not cry and they have to be tough by cutting off all emotions except anger. This teaches them to repress their true feelings and act out. Let him talk with you without giving advice, criticizing, or judging. This practice will leave the door open for more dialogue about other issues without getting the wrong advice from peers.
9) Limit Screen Time
Children’s Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, has found that watching scenes moving on a flat screen (television, computers, pads, cell phones, etc.) can negatively impact the learning brain. They discovered that “for every hour of television watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10 percent. These devices will do half the work for the child’s brain, resulting in an underdeveloped brain. It is especially bad for boys because it reduces a boy's level of activity; thus, reducing the number of opportunities for brain growth that occurs with movement. When a mom limits a boy's screen time and encourages him to play outside in nature she helps support her son's brain growth and development.
10) Demonstrate Self-Control by Setting Boundaries
A boy needs a mom who can teach him how to control his impulses. Teaching boys different strategies for remembering tasks, listening to others, and controlling their urges and impulses helps a boy develop self-control. It is important for boys to see their mother’s strength. This is important because, “Sometimes a mother is afraid to show her power.” A mother shouldn't be cruel, but a strict and loving mother will produce a boy who is not “mean and self-centered.” Mothers of boys who are strong and loving refuse to allow their sons to treat others with disrespect and develop skills to manage their impulses.
*The information in this pamphlet is designed to enhance the parent/child relationship and in no way criticizes or denigrates that bond. Information is assembled from child-parent attachment expert Dr. Joan Luby, professor of Child Psychiatry at Washington University.
Make sure he knows “mother loves him”, when he’s being sweet and obedient and when he’s not. Every time he is in trouble, after he has served out whatever discipline he has earned and/or we have had the necessary discussions, let him know that he is loved by telling him. Never let him doubt your love for him and help him understand that there is nothing he could do to make your love for him diminish because it is unconditional.
8) To Talk to His Mom about Sex and Emotions
He needs a woman’s perspective about sex and his emotions. He needs to know the emotional sides to sex and the ways he can damage, or love, a woman with them. Society gives a clear message to boys that they should not cry and they have to be tough by cutting off all emotions except anger. This teaches them to repress their true feelings and act out. Let him talk with you without giving advice, criticizing, or judging. This practice will leave the door open for more dialogue about other issues without getting the wrong advice from peers.
9) Limit Screen Time
Children’s Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, has found that watching scenes moving on a flat screen (television, computers, pads, cell phones, etc.) can negatively impact the learning brain. They discovered that “for every hour of television watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10 percent. These devices will do half the work for the child’s brain, resulting in an underdeveloped brain. It is especially bad for boys because it reduces a boy's level of activity; thus, reducing the number of opportunities for brain growth that occurs with movement. When a mom limits a boy's screen time and encourages him to play outside in nature she helps support her son's brain growth and development.
10) Demonstrate Self-Control by Setting Boundaries
A boy needs a mom who can teach him how to control his impulses. Teaching boys different strategies for remembering tasks, listening to others, and controlling their urges and impulses helps a boy develop self-control. It is important for boys to see their mother’s strength. This is important because, “Sometimes a mother is afraid to show her power.” A mother shouldn't be cruel, but a strict and loving mother will produce a boy who is not “mean and self-centered.” Mothers of boys who are strong and loving refuse to allow their sons to treat others with disrespect and develop skills to manage their impulses.
*The information in this pamphlet is designed to enhance the parent/child relationship and in no way criticizes or denigrates that bond. Information is assembled from child-parent attachment expert Dr. Joan Luby, professor of Child Psychiatry at Washington University.